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mtneer314
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Name: Tyler
Country: United States
State: Pennsylvania
Metro: Lancaster
Gender: Male
Interests: Jesus Christ, recording, performing, and playing music. sharing Christ with others, learning in general. injustice issues, snowboarding, driving, engines and cars, serious discussions on God's love mercy and justice, how He shows it, and who he shows it to. studying japanese. studying culture. traveling.
Expertise: i sing a lot.
Occupation: starving artist?
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Mtneer314
Member Since:
8/22/2003
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| so i've been trying to give you space. its really not easy though. because you won't give me mine. see. you are constantly here, whether present or not. i cant even burn your face from the back of my eyelids with countless hours of TV before i go to sleep. my car still smells like you when i first open the door in the morning. even after a night of driving around, burning gallons of fuel and half a pack of cigs. its just not easy. you tell me you still want me around. well prove it. make contact. i couldnt care less how. just give me something to work with. i need to have hope. because this is the first time in a long while that i've been remotely close to getting something right. all this to say. i care about you.
it would all be so much easier if i could just tell her this. fuck dude. | | |
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EDIT: Joe appologized.
tonight i was faced with a very pivotal situation.
friday night equals karaoke night at pop-pops, a local bar that i started going to because its so relaxing and not like the mainline bars in wayne PA where people commonly roll up in Ferrari's, lambo's, range rovers, and porches. after work at bertuccis restaurant tonight, i decided to get some friends from work to all go out and sing some karaoke. all most all of us are pretty much responsible adults, i had two beers the whole night, because i was way more into singing my heart out on stage than not remembering what i did last night.
notice i said almost all of us.
i'll be honest. i really dont know this joe guy that came tonight. he works at bertuccis with me, and all i know about him is he smokes a lot of weed, skateboards, is a straight asshole because he thinks people think hes funny like that, and hes 28. i've always tried to relate to joe. i used to skateboard. i was good a long time ago. so id try to talk about that. try to talk about music. but hes just never been having anything to do with it.
i found out tonight, that he apparently also wants to have sex with one of my best friends from work. her name is jamie and she couldnt be more repulsed by the idea.
jamie and i are good friends for a lot of reasons. but one very key, very beautiful reason is that we are both christians who actively try to live out christ's words at work. that is to say that we have a moral fiber. its not to say we walk around being holier than thou or any of that business. but ive always said serving is a great job because i get to invest in peoples lives and love on them even if its just for a little while. but thats a side note.
so at pop-pops tonight. joe got blitzed. realized that jamie and i were good friends. and when she wasnt responding to his come-ons. he started attacking me. alcohol is a funny thing. it takes people to a new level. for joe. he went from making snide remarks to flat out insulting comments.
by nature. im a more passive person. i just dont get upset easily. ive developed a thick skin, but im still surprised by people sometimes. at no point tonight was i ready to fight. even though i wanted to. i couldnt. i knew that was not what i wanted to do.
so after michael jackson's smooth criminal, i went outside to smoke a cigarette with my friend rick. rick is a 38 year old guy who no one in their right mind would mess with. he's had a hard life, and hes hardened up as a result. rick proceeds to tell me that he wants me to know that joe said he was going to try to punch me in the face tonight. he wanted me to know that he was not about to let that happen, because it was senseless and uncalled for.
just about after he finishes telling me this, joe walks out the door, and hits me in the face, on both cheeks, at the same time with two open hands. i stood there in shock, and rage. i didnt react. my face didnt even skip a beat. i calmly asked him. joe man. what was that for? he proceeded to weave a tapestry of profanity and insults about my manhood and this and that. so i let him do his thing and after hes done, i simply say, well its my turn to sing again so im headed inside. i walked away. and as i am entering the door, joe screams. yeah walk away. you wouldnt do it.
and hes right. why would i?
i always thought my first bar fight would be a little more climactic. thank God for grace. | | |
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1. Kick cigs.
2. Kick bad relationships, rebuild where necessary.
3. Kick the dating scene- its just full of trouble anyway.
4. Kick babies.... okay not really. but it sounded funny in my head.
5. Develop wholesome relationships.
6. Invest in people i love.
7. Invest in my spiritual walk.
8. Play and record more music.
9. figure out what im going to do with my life.
tall order.
i saw watchmen. twice. phenomenal. | | |
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snow is one of the few things that brings a smile to my face. somehow. it pulls me out of the terrible slumps i get into. last night. violently depressed. alone. could not tell you why. i never know. chalk it up to a hormonal imbalance of some sort i suppose.
we have roughly eight inches of magical beautiful bliss. how we got 8 inches is still a mystery to me. its like G-d wanted to see me personally smile.
an epiphany.
throught G-d's providence, i smiled today. and actually had fun. and didnt think twice about the status of myself.
pure.
bliss. | | |
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EDIT: i wish i could just embrace this depression. understand it. know it. deal with it. healthily. disregard two paragraphs down. i shouldn't be looking now. lets find G-d. figure out ourselves, then wait for the possibility of an opportunity.
Im just not ready. forgiveness doesn't always mean you are re-established as a figure in my life.
on the lighter side, i feel like i may actually and soon be ready to find someone. and trust someone. maybe someone calmer than myself. a level head to get my life back on track.
you ever see someone take something for granted? please don't get it wrong. i do the same thing all the time. i haven't done this in a while though. a perfect gift that seems to go to waste. cogs that seem to intertwine so perfectly. given up for something so... different? brake pads and rotors. logical. pads hold the rotors tight. rotors slow the car saving the brake pads life (and the entirety of the car). but break pads trading rotors for drums? it just doesn't work. the two do not work together. not to say that either brake is better or worse. but both need different things to operate correctly in said settings.
not only did mr. pads take rotors for granted. but before he made the swap for his drum counterparts, pads mislead rotors. he squeezed tight. locked up. to say he was never letting go. crippling and warping rotors.
Im thankful for the Master Mechanic, with a steady, skilled hand that is more than capable of turning rotors, grinding it into a useable, efficient and brilliant piece of machinery again.
i just nerded out with car metaphors. | | |
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